Tiny Town
by Clayton Overstreet
Summary: A SHORT look at some of Discworld's stature impaired citizens.


I don't own these characters or profit from them.

Discworld: Tiny Town

A SHORT story by, Clayton Overstreet

The humans, trolls, vampires, and even the dwarves and goblins think of Ahnk-Morpork as a twin city. The rich people like in Ahnk, the poor in Morpork, and the two grew together, seperated by what is technically a river. There are guilds and businesses, meeting places, police stations, and a really nice palace. Well compared with the rest of the city anyway.

What most people don't know is that inside the two cities is another city. Unlike the sunken parts of the old city that the dwarves have been excavating over the years this part of the city is nor buried. It's not even hidden exactly, people just do not see it. The residents, who eventually gave up on grander names, call it tiny town. It exists in the walls, under the floors, and in the sewers and air vents of the bigger city.

The residents vary. Some of them are fairies: pixies, gnomes, Nac Mac Feegles, elementals, bonzai dryads, and other things that vaguely resemble the bigger people. Then you have the results of magic like talking animals which either ate stuff dumped out behind the Unseen University or ate animals that did. Almost universaly whatever else the stuff does to them it seems to be some sort of law that it also makes them smart enough to regret having eaten from the softly glowing pile of rubbish.

There are other things. Tiny vampires, the result of a brief snack by a larger vampire that happened to notice them. Zombies and even were-rats and bats. Little wizards, ghosts, and other things most people never knew about in the first place. There are even tiny aborigines in whole tribes, basically human, but smaller even than gnomes.

Then you have small gods and demons. Humans feel small in an uncaring world so you can imagine how the people of Tiny Town feel. Small gods for small people… if they feel the need. Some look at it as a sign of defiance to go out without divine protection, but for example one of the most popular of the small gods in Tiny Town has a prayer of "Thank God that didn't land on me". The ants are known to be extremely religious often dying by the thousands to build pyramids which are then etched with secrets of the universe that could do amazing things for all intelligent creatures if the pyramids were not built from sugar that ended up washing away whenever it got damp. Slightly less dangerous are escaped imps who used to reside in cameras, watches, recorders, and personal assistants but were told to go away or had their homes destroyed without being banished back to hell.

One of these is the disc's first private detective, Lickspittle. At about six inches tall this imp was one of the prototypes for the techno-magic devices and had been largely untaught. His constant questions had driven his owner mad and the man had told him to go find things out for himself, which he did. Eventually being corporial he had become hungry and soon learned that he could trade information for money. His master for example had an enemy who was only too happy to pay in gold to know what he did on the weekends.

From there it was only a matter of working up and now for various prices Lickspittle would spy on anyone for anything. It was a bit sleezy sometimes, but then for all his small stature he was a demon. Quetzelovercoatle (okay maybe I don't have the spelling right) had been a pretty tiny demon but for a while he had been worshipped as a god by a large and very violent empire of people… until something had squashed him and taken his place.

He had earned enough early on to purchase a partner, a tiny micro-imp who barely came up to his knee, but who painted very good pictures. Worth every penny. Lickspittle had found things out that even the vast and impressive spy network of lord Vetinari probably did not know about… though he would not bet on that. It was just that Tiny Town preferred if the big people did not ask questions like, "What do you mean you've been living rent-free in my house?" and "What could they do to us while we're not awake?" The preferred to just live and let live, rather than attract attention. Small places could be poisoned and burned a lot easier than big places. Plus their quality of life was usually better than either Ahnk or Morpork.

There were gnomes and even a feegle on the city watch, but they did not bother muchw ith Tiny Town. There was not as much theft as one might thing, since again money went a long way for small people and it was easier for them to find it in the street than bigger people. Instead the main threat against trouble makers was the Guild of Rat Catchers and other exterminators which in Ahnk-Morpork was staffed by people with ninja levels of skill. Technically the residents of Tiny Town have rights as intelligent beings, but in practice… little bodies were easy to hide… or eat.

Lickspittle met his client at the door to a small strip club, The Tit Mouse. He was a cat and worked as a bouncer. Mostly intelligent animals felt too guilty to eat anyone who talked, but that did not stop him from batting around anyone who got too rowdy.

"Hey Mittens," Lickspittle said.

The cat nodded. "Lickspittle. Got what I wanted?"

He waved some pictures. "Yep. And you were right, your lady has been stepping out."

Cats were not known for monogamy, but Mitten's girlfriend had talked him into it. Then one of their kittens had been born black and white while she was a callico and he was an orange striped tabby. She claimed some big cat had not taken no for an answer (not uncommon in most cats, let alone the tough ones that survived in Ahnk-Morpork alleys) and he had tried to let it drop, but lately he had the urge to prowl. For a species that usually did not have conscience issues it was hard to put up with. He wanted out, for all he was claiming he just wanted to know if she was cheating on him.

Mittens looked at the pictures. "Tom, Gloves… damn she's been with all kinds of alley cats and…" He paused. "A tiger?"

"That one I got in the patrician's menagerie."

The cat growled and then said, "I'll pay you tomorrow. I don't have anything on me."

"I know you're good for it… or your girlfriend is." The cat growled, but knew that since imps were immportal there was not much he could do. Hurting the little pest would only make his vengeance more likely. Turning to head inside Lickspittle smiled, sure he would get his money.

The bar was run by a rock elemental. Basically it looked a lot like a troll, only a lot smaller. "Hey Granite, I'll have the usual." A thimble of beer was pushed in front of him and Lickspittle turned to eye the room. Mostly looking at the customers instead of the show. Oh he checked out the dancers, but knowing who frequented a club like this could always be useful later.

Up on stage were a rat slowly removing three pairs of pasties, a tiny succubus doing things that dancers in bigger clubs were not allowed, and a bonsai dryad grinding the tiny oak in a pot behind her (people familiar with the practice of bonsai know that through various pruning a man can keep a tree that should be huge much smaller no matter how old it gets. If that tree had a dryad living in it naturally the dryad also ends up small).

"Next up everyone's favorite dancer, Bee-cup!" The other dancers cleared up as the lights were dimmed and a silhouettet stepped out of the shadows and took her place on the stage.

Fairies are basically nasty critters, not much different than elves. They however tend to live alone or in groups without a queen and king. Bee, as she was known, was just as nasty as the rest but had learned to curb her more violent tendancies because she wanted to be a ballet dancer. She was good enough o do it, but too small for most people to see on stage, so she earned extra money working at the Tit Mouse to pay wizards to give her an illusion that let her appear big on stage because even though she was now a star ballet dancers did not earn nearly as much as strippers.

Bee was actually more of a wasp. She was supernaturally beautiful and the most popular dancer in the club. With a thin wasp-waist figure, large breasts (for her size), long black hair, and pale white skin. Her eyes were solid black and almond shaped and there was a tiny pair of antennae over her eyebrows. Instead of fingernails she had tiny retractable stingers on her fingers and toes. Anyone note paying attention to the club's "Don't touch" signs when Bee-cup was on the stage tended to end up in a coma.

She had a boyfriend, Wee Mad Arthur. The feegle police man had ignored the signs and from what Lickspittle had seen that night and Bee had tried to claw his eyes out. The two had gotten into a huge fight trading blows that would have killed humans. Pixies and Pictsies were both fairy folk, supernaturally strong, fast, and very hard to kill. Somewhere in there the blows had turned to open gropes from both sides and then kisses.

Rumor had it that Arthur had taken Bee up to the chalk to meet his newly adopted feegle clan where she had subsequently tried to eat some of the feegle young (apparently considered a delicacy in fairy land). The kelda beat seven kinds of shit out of her and the two of them had shared some special sheep linament. Bee was welcome back any time… for a rematch.

On the stage the fairy discarded the robe she was wearing, showing nothing underneath. She fluttered her wasp-like wings until a breeze filled the room and a buzz drowned out any talking. She danced up a pole and along the ceiling and a thin glitter flled the room. All around people rose out of their seats, levitating because of the pixie dust and what were basically happy thoughts.

Finally she landed and something came rolling out from the dark. She stopped it with one foot, letting everyone see the large walnut. "And now," she said in a musical hypnotic voice. "My favorite ballet." She squatted down, wrapping her thighs around the nut. A moment later the shell started to crack. Around the room men went pil, winced, and in some cases, fainted as the nut shattered. She picked out some of the nut meat and took a bite. "Yum."

Turning away Lickspittle focused on his drink. After this Bee's shows tended to get disturbing. It was a few moments later that someone tapped him on the shoulder. "Are you Lickspittle."

"Maybe. Who is asking?"

"My name is… unimportant. I wish to hire you."

"Well Unimportant, that's different."

The End of yet another story in the small city.

Author's Note

I said it was a short story. Anyway if you want feel free to use this for your own discworld fan fics. I'm busy working on stuff I can actually get pair for. Check me out on Amazon under Clayton overstreet or C.D. Overstreet


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